Rants and Raves
Rant: I hate that Coldplay stole from Joe Satriani
It’s official: Coldplay totally ripped off Joe Satriani.
Don’t believe it? Check out a YouTube mashup of the songs side by side. But do it quickly because the situation is so embarrassing that Coldplay’s label is forcing YouTube to take down the offending videos. (The video links I provide will probably all vanish soon…)
Despite the nearly overwhelming evidence located in said videos, Coldplay has issued a statement on their website claiming that any similarities are “entirely coincidental” and that “Joe Satriani is a great musician.”
Right.
As this is probably the “most civilised argument in music history,” it’s unlikely that it’s going to heat up. Satriani will probably continue to demand insane profit sharing; Coldplay will probably ignore him until a trial. Ten years from now this will be a trivial footnote. Some idiot is already calling on Satriani to drop the issue because “copying is crucial to music’s diversity.”
Yet, Coldplay has lost a lot more than a few dollars to the incident. It’s subtle, but this is the nail in the coffin of their artistic credibility. From this point on, no one is going to take Coldplay seriously as artists.
I’m crazy, you say? Let’s take a look back to their first album, Parachutes.
Coldplay released their debut album with the single “Yellow,” a catchy ditty about stars in the sky that managed to annoy the hell out of me from the first time I heard it. With it’s driving chorus, non-sensical lyrics, and moronic video, it’s got the stink of one hit wonder all over it.
Yet, Coldplay (like Radiohead before them) managed to avoid the one hit wonder trap. Their second album, A Rush of Blood to the Head, wasn’t just a collection of serviceable europop hits. Instead, it was a critical and commercial success, winning awards such as NME’s Best Album of the Year and selling over four million copies.
If you’ve got time, go back and put on A Rush of Blood. It’s probably better than you remember. Sure, you’ve heard “Clocks” a million times on ER reruns, but that’s not even close to the best track. Revist “Daylight,” “The Scientist,” and “A Whisper” and tell me that Coldplay doesn’t sound like Rock and Roll Hall of Fame material. I dare you.
But it all came crashing down with X+Y. The marketing was overblown. The art was overblown. And most importantly, the music was overblown. To quote Rolling Stone:
“Compared to all the hubbub about Chris Martin the celebrity, his band’s return to the American pop charts was a bit of a letdown. [...] Whereas Rush of Blood was a nervy bid for bigness, X&Y is something less exciting. It’s the serious sound of Martin trying to sing songs that match his stature. It’s the sound of a blown-up band trying not to deflate.”
After a flop like X&Y, Viva La Vida can’t hope to undo the damage. It can only hope to staunch the blood flow and perhaps right Coldplay back toward some sort of self-respect.
So why does the Satriani lawsuit really sink them? Why does it break whatever shred of respect we still had for Coldplay? Why should it tell us that they truly are among the fallen? And why does it make me really, really, really hate them?
Because it’s not just the fact that you stole that matters. It’s who you stole the riff from that makes all the difference.
Joe Satriani is the opposite of Coldplay in every conceivable way.
His music is dry and lifeless, relying on scifi gimmicks to be noticed. He’s never won a Grammy despite being nominated 14 times and your parents have no idea what he looks like. (Hint: His attraction to the Silver Surfer is partially based on their shared lack of body hair above the neck.)
And unlike Coldplay, Satriani is promoted much more by his fans than by any single or record label advertisement. This intially sounds like a great thing (any band that has such loyal fans must be awesome!)…until you end up spending any time with a Satriani fan.
They laud his technique, extol his virtuoso fingerpicking, and reminisce about the first time they heard him riff about the Silver Surfer. They tell you that he’s playing “real” music, unfiltered by the vagueness of lyrical baggage and mushy emotions. They say he’s the one who should be a star.
But he’s the anti-star for good reason. The man can’t write a song to save his life. He knows how to play guitar, so he gets up on stage for a few hours and noodles around like a 14 year old boy playing the last level of Guitar Hero, effortlessly nailing every last hammer-on, tremolo, and harmonic. But none of it makes for good songs…just masturbatory noodling.
So when we look back to Coldplay, I’m struck by one singular, overwhelming thought:
Coldplay’s best riff of the last five years was stolen from a crappy guitarist who has never written a decent song in his life.
It’s like finding out your favorite restaurant is stealing recipes from that creepy diner down the street that nobody eats at because everything tastes like tapioca pudding. It says something devastating about the artist who steals…and gives ample ammunition to the fans of the artist who sucks.
So right now, stoned and halfway through a Miller High Life, a douchebag guitarist is arguing that Joe Satriani is relevant because Coldplay stole from him. He’s ranting about how Joe should get more respect from songwriters because it’s obvious that the only thing keeping his songs from being hits is the “media.”
Thanks, Coldplay. You’ve trashed your rep, sealed your fate, and reminded us why naming your daughter Apple isn’t enough. But I can forgive you for all that.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t forgive you for justifying Joe Satriani’s record contract. It’s inexcusable and I hope you’re punished for it.
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9 comments for “Rant: I hate that Coldplay stole from Joe Satriani”
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I totally agree; the biggest crime Coldplay has committed is legitimating Satriani.
I do thank Satriani for one thing though. His constant presence in Guitar World always kept my 8th grade self from from subscribing to and eventually even occasionally buying the magazine. They tab his “songs.” Who cares!?
I disagree with your assessment of Rush of Blood to the Head though. Whatever good is in that album–which I assure you is miniscule if present–is probably not the work of Chris Martin or the other nameless, non-celebrity members of the band. Someone, be it their producer or record label, must have said: “Look guys two things about you sell: Chris Martin’s falsetto and repetition of whatever riff/drum combination you have.” That’s exactly what they left in the album. There is nothing else there.
To be honest, it’s the same crime that makes U2 (That’s right I said it) such a terrible band. They can write a good song. One good song. Over and over and over and over and over and over. Hey Edge, that stupid chorus, delay picking sound isn’t cool on everything. Hey Chris, if you write more than one riff per song and vary the tempo a little, the drummer won’t have to play the same beat for 80 minutes.
The real shame is that vanquishing Coldplay will guarantee that Joe Satriani will have more money to buy delay pedals and cartridges for his Gillette Fusion. Thanks to Viva La Vida, Satriani can release albums of his nonsensical noodling ad infinitum.
“I disagree with your assessment of Rush of Blood to the Head though. Whatever good is in that album–which I assure you is miniscule if present–is probably not the work of Chris Martin or the other nameless, non-celebrity members of the band. Someone, be it their producer or record label, must have said: “Look guys two things about you sell: Chris Martin’s falsetto and repetition of whatever riff/drum combination you have.” That’s exactly what they left in the album. There is nothing else there.”
How cruel!
Someone else back me up here. Rush of Blood is damn near incredible. It’s moving, well-written, and musically dynamic. Sure, it’s got a lot of repetitive piano parts and falsetto, but that’s like saying Nevermind has a lot of crashing drums and loud guitars….it’s why you listen in the first place.
Wow, we’re not easing ourselves into the blog by starting off with meek statements here, are we?
Quick thoughts:
1. Yes, Jared is cruel. A Rush of Blood is a very good album. Running neck-and-neck with Recovering the Satellites for my third-favorite “R” album. And then you go and diss The Edge? That’s just uncalled for. Go and listen to Achtung Baby and tell me that’s not some of the most creative and original guitar work of the generation.
2. I expect Andy to offer a stirring defense of the validity of Satriani as a credible musician.
3. You know what? I actually agree with the “idiot” who defends allowing free copying in music, to a point. Not saying we should do away with copyrights and royalties, but all music sounds like all other music in some way or another; there’s no qualitative difference between something that is “ripped off” and something that shares some of the same elements of melody, harmony, and rhythm. Kudos to the rare artist who makes something entirely original and unlike any other work, but one song sounding like another is something that happens ALL THE TIME.
In fact, this is not even the first plagiarism allegation involving “Viva La Vida”. The singer of an indie band called Creaky Boards posted a video showing how the melody was similar to his song, before it turned out that Coldplay demoed the song six months before Creaky Boards played theirs live. Now he says they both have a resemblance to the “Fairy Song” from the Legend of Zelda. Maybe Satriani ripped that off, too! For the time being, I’ll give Martin the benefit of the doubt that the similarity, if not entirely coincidental, was at least subconscious.
4. I hate that Vanilla Ice stole from Queen and David Bowie… oh wait, no, one goes “Dun dun dun da da DUN dun”, and the other one goes “Dun dun dun da da DUN dun TSSSH”.
Justin,
Did you read the moron’s article? It’s not a stirring defense of his position. It’s a clumsy “everybody copies so that should make it legal” argument.
I’ll agree with you that it’s hard to say who exactly stole a riff or melody. There can be multiple claims to ownership and that makes any legal claim difficult to pursue. However, I think that this case is pretty cut and dried. It matches…note for note
And Vanilla Ice was SAMPLING. That’s totally different. The rest of us shouldn’t suffer because you don’t understand rap music.
It doesn’t match note for note, though. It’s six notes out of fifteen in the Coldplay melody (“rule the world”…”rise when I”). The rest
The Satriani song has 2 chords in the verse; Coldplay has 4. And as for the beat, two songs at the same tempo with beats on quarter notes: OMG, call the Interpol!
(They’re also in different keys, but I’m not going to insist that that matters. A uniform transform to the frequencies does not change the relative melodies).
And I wasn’t ripping VI for sampling, I was mocking him for insisting that he wasn’t.
The rest is?
Which Interpol? The band?
I forgot about that interview. Do you know where it is on YouTube? That would make me smile…
You know how I know y’all are gay? Y’all are talking about Coldplay. Yet here I am. Parachutes was cool. Three songs off of Rush to the Head were good. The rest is crap. And I’m not gonna be so bold as to say U2 sucks, but I never really “got it.” Who names themselves “The Edge?” Was he a dodgeball instructor at the local Y on the weekends? It’s completely ridiculous that with all of their money and industry pull that they had to rip off some no-name douche – couldn’t they just have paid a writer? But it’s even more ridiculous that they haven’t REALLY had to own up to this in a big way. The industry is treating it like a minor, bothersome legal speedbump, when in fact it’s abhorrent.
Ben’s right. The weird part here is that everyone in the industry is just downplaying this. Nobody expects it to go anywhere and nobody wants to take a stand on it.
“The rest is…” Yeah, um… the rest of that sentence is “missing”, I guess. I forget what I was saying there.
No, not the band Interpol, the original International Criminal Police Organization, whose name appears on the copyright warnings in French after the FBI warning when you start a movie.
Here’s a cheery little footnote to this controversy: “Viva La Vida” is up for a Grammy for “Song of the Year”, an award given for songwriting (as opposed to the recording)! So hooray for the Grammies and the industry as a whole for paying attention to this!
In the end, I think there’s two separate points to this argument — the artistic one and the legal one — and I’m not terribly concerned about the latter. Artistically: is the melody pretty much the same as the Satriani song? Yeah, it’s pretty close. Is the Coldplay song still a good song, and better than the first one? I’d say yes. Not getting permission to use the melody falls into the legal category.